Now my body is coursing with happy endorphins and I was able to do my cheerleading jumps again (verdict: my form is still awesome, but I can’t hyperextend like I used to) and I worked out precisely what I want to do with the next chapter and my kitten is snuggling with me and I closed the tabs to the things that were bothering me and adslfkjdslkj, I feel so much better.

And while running, I thought about things. Life, the universe, everything. All right, not quite, but I kept going back to something that I heard again during camp. See, P and I had the world’s most amazing premarital counselor- one of the godliest, kindest, most honorable men you’ve ever met. And he came to camp for the entire week, just to serve and love on our kids. And there was something he said during our counseling sessions and reiterated when he was speaking at camp that I keep coming back to: that other people are not responsible for your personal happiness.

And one of the many, many things that God brought to my attention in the past week is that this goes both ways. Not only can I not blame other people for not making me happy enough, but I don’t have to make myself feel personally responsible for making other people happy or fixing their lives. I have some relationships where I feel all I’ve done is walk on eggshells and worry myself sick because I just want them to be happy.

Well, it turns out that not only is that not my job, but all I’ve done is enable them to continue the way they are. And I need to just let go.

So I am going to keep this thought close today, and drink some chocolate milk, and write a new chapter.

I don’t go to a normal gym, I work out at a church rec center. It’s cheap and has what I need and it’s only like five minutes away, so it’s pretty awesome. But seriously, no one there is under the age of sixty.

So I go up to the front desk to sign in, and the nice old lady behind the desk is chatting with another nice old lady. So I just sort of stand there and start checking my text messages, because I am a Good Southern Girl and do not interrupt my elders.

And then they notice me, and they’re like “oh, land sakes, honey, I didn’t even see you there!” And the nice old lady behind the desk says “Well, aren’t you just a good little girl?”

And I thought about saying something about “Oh, well, you know, I’m a very nice twenty-four-year-old with a college degree and a husband.”

And then I remembered that I was wearing my Peter Pan on Broadway tee shirt and purple boys’ basketball PE shorts with my high school logo on the thigh and my old high school cheer shorts and I don’t work out with my wedding rings on and my bangs were pinned back and I had my glasses on and I get mistaken for sixteen on a good day so…

…now the elderlies at my gym think I’m a precious little teenager. I think I’m their mascot now.

(I also startle them when I start running around the track but that’s another story.)

Don’t worry, anon, I succeeded just fine.

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like an arrogant bitch…blergh…okay, well, I read a lot and I’m pretty intelligent, so I basically coasted by on my memory and glancing over material right before a test. I usually scored really high on my tests but never turned in any homework, so it balanced out. And I got really high ACT and SAT scores, so I didn’t have trouble getting into college. But yeah, I pretty much got by in school by being charming.

(At some point I need to post the essay I wrote about Teen Titans for my chemistry class. I was supposed to write about titanium but I didn’t feel like it. I got an A.)

(Also, I once passed a geometry class by writing a poem about geometry.)

(And I aced one of my last college literature classes by, instead of writing an essay, writing a story about a Literary Idol competition where the various authors we’d studied were the competitors, and the judges were Victor Hugo, Emily Dickinson, J.K. Rowling, and Stephenie Meyer. The story ended with Rowling smacking down Meyer like the hand of God. My professor actually kept it.)

And I am twenty-four years old! I graduated from college with a degree in theatre and English in 2009.

Aw, come here, my darling. Let me give you hope for your future. 🙂

I was incredibly nerdy but a varsity cheerleader. I was mega into theater. I planned on studying animation in high school. I was very immature because of some severe mental and emotional health problems, but grew up quickly. I wasn’t popular, but I didn’t let the bullying get me like it did when I was younger. I didn’t have a boyfriend or even a crush and actually had a rumor spread about me that I was a lesbian (started by a teacher nonetheless, trolololololo…). My notebooks were covered with pictures from Lord of the Rings, Newsies, anime, and Disney princesses. I went to three different Christian schools because we moved, and by the time I got to school #3 there were just so many fucks I did not give about popularity and such. I never studied and never did any homework, but was quite charming so I got by just fine.

So…yes. That is high school!Caitlin. And I think I turned out rather well, so hopefully you are now looking forward to life out of high school!

Hellooooo, Sandy Dandy Heels from Modcloth…you will be miiiiiiiiiine!