Now my body is coursing with happy endorphins and I was able to do my cheerleading jumps again (verdict: my form is still awesome, but I can’t hyperextend like I used to) and I worked out precisely what I want to do with the next chapter and my kitten is snuggling with me and I closed the tabs to the things that were bothering me and adslfkjdslkj, I feel so much better.
And while running, I thought about things. Life, the universe, everything. All right, not quite, but I kept going back to something that I heard again during camp. See, P and I had the world’s most amazing premarital counselor- one of the godliest, kindest, most honorable men you’ve ever met. And he came to camp for the entire week, just to serve and love on our kids. And there was something he said during our counseling sessions and reiterated when he was speaking at camp that I keep coming back to: that other people are not responsible for your personal happiness.
And one of the many, many things that God brought to my attention in the past week is that this goes both ways. Not only can I not blame other people for not making me happy enough, but I don’t have to make myself feel personally responsible for making other people happy or fixing their lives. I have some relationships where I feel all I’ve done is walk on eggshells and worry myself sick because I just want them to be happy.
Well, it turns out that not only is that not my job, but all I’ve done is enable them to continue the way they are. And I need to just let go.
So I am going to keep this thought close today, and drink some chocolate milk, and write a new chapter.