Postcards from the edge: GMR in the height of holiday crowd madness


-it is 6:56 in the morning why are we here?

-I have coffee and an energy drink. I should combine them.

-“Whoever scheduled Keisha at 7:15 is a really sexy tumor.”

-Matt is eating four cheeseburgers for breakfast.

-“I have Taylor Swift stuck in my head.” “Just shake it…

More updates:

-I am eating more pizza.

-also Cathy brought us M&Ms.

-*pointing to Mary Poppins* “Can anyone tell me what movie this is?” “Footlight Parade?” No, dude, that was three movies ago.

-Suzy got Famous Amos cookies and I totally thought she said Famous Anus. Oops.

-Somebody barfed on a vehicle.

-Apparently somebody barfed on the track all the way through Mummies to Tarzan and we had to close to clean it. Still not as bad as the kid who once barfed from Alien to Finale.

-Tim Allen was here! He was nice.

-I’ve done six shows so far.

Postcards from the edge: GMR in the height of holiday crowd madness

Why don’t you like your name?

#1: Caitlin is perpetually misspelled. I get Ks, Ys, Is, double Ns, hyphens…sometimes Hs, which I really don’t understand. And a D a couple of times. Like really…Caitlin. It’s Caitlin.

#2: It rhymes with my last name. I’m like Daisy-Head Maizy or Cindy-Lou Who. It’s the same pattern. I am apparently a Dr. Seuss character in disguise.

#3: The reason I got my name is STUPID. Because, see, my parents didn’t find out my gender till I was born, but they were pretty sure I was going to be a boy, so they were going to name me Charles Harrison, after Harrison Ford. I was almost named after Han Solo, y’all. Indiana Jones. How epic would that have been?

But no. They decided to pick a girl’s name at the last minute, so they got my first name from an 80s TV show called Airwolf. (My middle name is the same as my mom’s). So yeah. I was named after a random 80s TV character.

I wish I’d been named Harrison. I could be a pretty badass girl named Harrison, right??

it is only 10 in the morning and already:


-I’ve done three shows (plus two dead ones, but that doesn’t count)

-someone has barfed

-the people in my row one made fun of me for the entirety of my show

-the people in my row twelve liked me so much they took a selfie with me


it is now 2:25 in the afternoon and:

-I have done seven shows

-a guest jumped off a vehicle and ran down the track

-we have a 75 minute wait

-another group in rows 2 and 3 made fun of me for the whole show. Listen, y’all, I don’t speak Spanish but I know when I’m being teased.

-a lady in row two sucked on her dentures for the entire show and I nearly code V’d.

-a bunch of kids started banging on an emergency exit door, that incidentally leads to our break room, so Sean banged back and made a baby cry in terror.