the signs with their children

Aries: “ah yes..6 months..the perfect age to start boxing classes”
Taurus: [uses a baby-carrier on their teenager]
Gemini: “listen buddy, i don’t care what you did at preschool imma bout to tell you about MY day.”
Cancer: rushes their kid to the hospital after a stubbed toe
Leo: is prepared to physically fight their child’s bullies
Virgo: [pulls out a calculus textbook] “story time.”
Libra: the mom in “stacy’s mom”
Scorpio: “a lullaby? alright baby….bitches aint shit and they aint sayin nothin..a hundred mutha fuckas…”
Sagittarius: [newborn vomits on them] “what the…i did not raise you to be like this”
Capricorn: “beautiful baby right? well. not as beautiful as me but..you know, we can’t all be so blessed.”
Aquarius: [burns their kids hw] “you dont need this..its all up to the system….listen, there’s a rebellion coming”
Pisces: [sees their baby sleeping] “what an asshole..why tf cant that be me?”

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